I’d Rather Fight an Army of Drunk My Little Ponies…

…than appear on this new show I was watching a couple of nights ago called “Spell-mageddon.”  EVERYONE PROBABLY SET THEIR WATCHES TO COUNT DOWN TO THE PREMIERE OF THIS SHOW, RIGHT?  RIGHTTTT?  Who doesn’t love watching kids try and spell words that you’ve never even heard of on a Wednesday night at 10 pm?

Before I go any further let me share my history with spelling bees. I don’t remember a lot about my spelling bee career but I do remember I could spell the word “because” in the first grade while this uber smart kid couldn’t. To be honest, I don’t remember if I won that spelling bee, but since no one who was probably in the spelling bee with me in the first grade is reading this, I’ll just say:

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Fast forward to third grade (or maybe it was the second grade…who really cares…it was before the internet and life before the internet shouldn’t have to be remembered exactly as it happened) and I’m in the spelling bee again. All I remember was that I was sitting on a chair in front of an audience of people. I’m not sure I made it that far, but since no one who was in that spelling bee is reading this I’ll just say 

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You’re probably thinking “this girl is unstoppable…you should put her on a spelling bee type of show where she has to spell the word ‘necessity’ while FREEZING WATER IS FALLING ON HER HEAD as she’s trying to spell it!”

Shut up if you thought that!  I may be good but I never said I was a superhero!

Ladies and gents…welcome to the world of Spell-mageddon!  Where spelling words like “necessity” may seem like a piece of cake normally, but just try and spell it with all sorts of wet and messy sh*t falling on you or the ground shocking your feet.

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You know you’re in for some serious sh*t when you have to wear goggles while spelling a word.  Those Hershey kisses looking things above their heads don’t drop Hershey Kisses into their mouths if they spell a word right…they drop FREEZING A** LIQUID!  You see that third kid from the left? You can tell it’s his turn ‘cause he looks like he just got some glacier temperature water dropped on him.

This kid below especially looked like he wasn’t having a field day up there. The liquid falling on him must be the most unpleasant thing he’s experienced in his life for him to make this expression. He’s holding up his hands as if to stay “STOP!!!  PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!! ALL MY FRIENDS ARE WATCHING! EVEN THE LOSER WHO ALWAYS TOOK MY LUNCH MONEY!”  And his face looks like he’s sorry he even auditioned for this show!  We’re not gonna even go into what the blue substance is.  For all we know, the show wants to secretly turn people into Smurfs.

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Let’s move on to the host of the show. It’s none other than Carlton from “Fresh Prince of Bel-air.”  There are some celebrities that make you ask “I wonder what happened to him/her?” Alfonso Ribeiro was one of those guys for me. Who knew he would wind up on a show where kids literally looked like they were in a lot of pain and agony while trying to get through the one hour that this show lasted? He looks so happy in this pic ‘cause he doesn’t have to go through what the kid above went through.

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On this show you’re dealing with sh*t AS you’re trying to spell words!  Whether you know how to spell the word or don’t, you still will be an unhappy camper throughout the duration of the show. I think this show will lose steam pretty quickly ‘cause I can only watch so many spelling bees. The level of difficulty of the words they have to spell isn’t high and I don’t care to see young people go through that much agony week after week.

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