My Mission To Get To The Happiest Place on Earth

The only two things I know about the Super Bowl are there are two teams and people have said something about going to Disney World after they won it.Who cares if these beefy guys make lots of money and can go to Disney World anytime they want? Disney is the happiest place on Earth, and people should proudly announce to millions of people that they are going there after laying the smack down on another football team’s ass!

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When I make millions one day I’m gonna hold press conferences every month just to announce I’m going to Disney world.

Interviewer: Mel, we just love the new fragrance line you’ve come out with. It smells like a skunk fell into a big pot of strawberries. Normally I can’t stand the smell of skunk in my perfume, but with your fragrance it works.

Me: SHUT UP! EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU JUST SHUT UP!!! I only came here to announce I’m going to Disney World!!

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Parents are supposed to have “must take millions of pics of my child standing next to Mickey Mouse” on their list of ‘things to do in this lifetime,’ right?

HOW COME MY PARENTS DIDN’T GET THAT MEMO?

Oh don’t get me wrong. I’ve been so close to going inside both Disney World and Disneyland. How close, you ask? I could see the rides from where I was standing in both cases.

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I was in Florida years ago, and I was so excited that I might actually get to go to Disney World since I was uhhmmm I don’t know…IN THE SAME STATE!!! Why bring a child that far, and not want to partake in the Disney atmosphere? We actually did wind up driving to Disney, and on the way I was making a list of what ride I wanted to go on first. Who cares if my dad said “We’re not going inside” before we got there? Surely, he would change his mind once we arrived and saw people who’s happiness was contagious.

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As soon as we arrived my parents said “Look at it from here and take some pictures.” You mean the poor man’s view of Disney World, my lovely parents who must be kidding? How can I tell my classmates “We went to Disney World but we didn’t actually go inside?” I have a cool reputation to uphold!

If that’s not enough, I’ve also been to California. You know what’s in California? I’ll give you one guess! And another guess for how the situation went down there. The only difference was I’m actually in a couple of pics with the Disneyland sign. When I was in Florida I wasn’t in any of the pics. My mom took pics like crazy at Disneyland as if the more pics we took the more we could prove we had gone inside. There’s a pic of me with some ride in the background, and if you look without your glasses on or your contacts in it might look like I was waiting in line to go on the ride.

Maybe you’re thinking “It seems like your parents aren’t into all the rides and stuff.” They’ve been to Disney before I was born, and they went on all the rides and stuff! I’m gonna go as far as to say they probably said “We’ll be back once we have the most precious person this planet has ever seen” (AKA our daughter). My grandma from India got to even go on this ride when she was with them:

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Since I haven’t been to any of the Disney Kingdoms I took it upon myself to take a pic with Mickey and Minnie Mouse in some shape or form. Sure, Mickey looks like the bootleg version of the real Mickey but I’m smiling as if I’m at the happiest place on Earth. Minnie is probably thinking “I can smell that you’ve never been to the real Disney World, which is why I’m not gonna face the camera.”

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