I Inherited My Supepower From My Dad

I think I have a somewhat average build…my legs are long but not incredibly long…my toes seem to look the same as other human toes I’ve seen…BUT YET I walk faster than everyone else I know (except for my dad).

how is it possible

Here’s the scenario…I get out of a restaurant with some friends. We’re having the stereotypical “How was your food? Great. How was your food? Couldn’t be better” conversation, and all of a sudden I find myself wanting to bust a move and speed walk ahead of them.


BUT I CAN’T because they’re walking at a much slower pace than I would like to, and friends are supposed to walk in sync, right? People will think you were dropped on your head as a baby if you’re always walking a few feet ahead of your friends and you’re trying to have a conversation with them. Since I know that no one can walk as fast as me I sometimes wish for a bolt of lightning to strike people on their asses to get them to walk as fast as me. *Maybe more than sometimes*


I blame my dad for my Speedy Gonzales legs. Whenever I used to walk with him he would be a few feet ahead of me a minute after I started walking with him. I’d like to think he didn’t care if a spaceship flew right above my head and abducted me when I was walking with him ‘cause he never turned back to see where I was when we would walk together. When we got cell phones he would call my phone and get angry that my legs didn’t have the strength of 10 armies to keep up with him.

Dad: WHERE ARE YOU? Come on! (There’s something about your dad saying “come on” that makes you sweat as if you just sat in the sauna for 10 hours).

Me: I’m in Eastern Standard Time. Are you still even in the same time zone?!

Over the years I picked up the pace with my walking, and sometimes I would jog just to keep up with my dad. I’ll just put it out there that I don’t like to sweat, but sometimes you gotta take one for the team and sweat a little to keep up with your dad, right? My dad somehow got the memo when he was 10 that he should walk as if ravenous monkeys were on his tail!


I was in the city the other day and I was zooming past everyone! EVERYONE! Even when tried to slow down I was still walking faster than them. There were these two people who were calmly speaking French with each other a couple of feet ahead of me, and when I zoomed past them they shouted something at me. Let’s hope they were saying “Your dad is great for giving you speedy legs!” I don’t know if there is something in the water I drink or if I should enter the track competition in the Olympics or if I got transported to the Twilight Zone in my youth…BUT I WANT MY PRE-SPEEDY LEGS BACK!!!

Any other speedy walkers out there that want to join a speedy walkers anonymous club?


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